ROCKS IN THE WASHER

Morning Fog

2012-01-31T11:17:00.001-06:00

This morning was foggy. Very foggy, sometimes my driving visibility wasn’t very good. I’ve blogged on fog before, but doing it again in a different way. I love fog. I pulled off and shot this picture before the sun came out and chased all the fog away. Within a few seconds it changed. I loved the road, the trees and how the fog seemed trapped. I half expected a horse to ride out of this fog at me with a rider from the past on his back….don’t know why, it just made me feel like I was back in olden days….like I’d be holding a Canon camera vs. just a canon and jumping back into a minivan no less vs. a horse!

Sometimes the fog creates fear thoughts in me. “I hope people see my vehicle/me and are driving safe!” “Accidents happen in broad daylight, let alone poor visibility.” “What if a vehicle is slow or stopped and I come up on it too quickly” “What is a safe speed without being a danger to people coming up behind me?” - As you can see, my mind attacks me with these thoughts and more. It is fear based thinking.

Then the optimistic side of me is fighting the fear going: “I should stop and take pictures – it is so beautiful.” “I just want to sit under a tree and watch the fog!” “Ooohhh, that tree in the fog is awesome!” “Look how is hangs in the fields like a quilt covering God’s beauty” “It is moist and giving to the plants and animals in this dry time.” “Gonna stop – have to take pictures!” And you get the idea……

The voices within us are our humanness – we always have the choice to listen to the good or the fear. Sometimes we need to have both to balance us and let us chose the right way. While the fear based questions are valid, I have to not be consumed by them and they give me the caution with direction I need in life. I like when the good thoughts overcome my fears and liken that to the Holy Spirit directing my paths. Recently one of my children had to make a choice between the right / wrong choices in life and sadly they chose to listen to the “wrong” voice. As a parent the struggle is to allow the natural consequences to kick in so the lesson you hope they will learn helps them make the better choice the next time….as daily we have choices to make on right or wrong. Those options never go away as we walk the path in life, sometimes in the fog!

Psalm 23:3 New International Version (NIV)

3. he refreshes my soul.

He guides me along the right paths

for his name’s sake.

Yup – says it all!

The Unsung Volunteer

2012-01-14T16:38:00.000-06:00

See this guy, he is amazing. Why? Because he is selfless – he is a volunteer. For years I’ve seen Lyle filming games – he told me many people think he is paid, but he isn’t. He uses his own gas and volunteers countless hours every year filming sports footage for the schools. Last week he was in Sedgwick, this week he traveled clear to Berean and again also was at the home game. He has a day job too – so his days are long when he does this in the evening on top of a long work day, sometimes his arthritis bothers him more than other times, but he is dedicated for sure. He’s done this for YEARS folks and I mean YEARS! He's has three children graduate from the High School and his grands are starting to come up through the grade school now too. Some students have tried on occasion to do the filming but get bored with it or don't film it as well / steady and aren't as reliable as Lyle. Oh, Lyle may be rewarded with a gift card or two once in awhile, but he doesn’t expect or ask for anything. What a lesson our government could take from Lyle! He does it because he likes to and wants to. He called it a part of his community service when I asked him why he does it, he also said he does it for the kids and coaches. Wow.

So, when you see Lyle next time….thank him….or better yet, slip him something for gas….you know, that pay it forward thing? (He'd die if he knew I printed that!) The Unsung Volunteer……I just “sung” for you Lyle because I think people need to look around and see the many volunteers and people who support our community in ways that are often overlooked. So Lyle, Thank you! And your next Starbucks is on me. :-)

Merry Christmas 2011

2011-12-16T22:08:00.000-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving 2011

2011-11-23T21:43:00.001-06:00

I asked the kiddos tonight at supper what three things they each were thankful for and here is the results in order of how they shared

Sophia: 1. Boots (the girl loves her cowboy boots!) 2. Syrup. (the girl is funny!) and 3. Milk. (yah cows!)
Tobias: 1. My Family 2. Church and 3. Jesus. **Heart sighs**
Courtney: 1. My family 2. Teachers and 3. Jesus. (this was hard for her so copying was OK!)
Anthony: 1. Sutff 2. Food and 3. Dead turkeys that are ugly (Ok - not serious "teen" who only wanted to eat supper and the last one is a little family joke.....and all the good ones were taken?)

Berkley: 1, 2 and 3 - a warm blanket in a warm place called "Home."

The kids asked me what I was thankful for and I told them: 1. Salvation and the promise of eternity through Jesus Christ, 2. Family - includes all friends, church family and family family, and 3. Snow days when they come!

Whatever your plans are, may you take time to Thank the good Lord for the blessings in your life....I am! Happy Thanksgiving 2011!

The Heart of a Giver

2011-11-13T22:25:00.000-06:00

The Heart of a Giver

This past month was Mission Harvest Festival in church. We usually pick a charity to donate to outside of our normal budget and get in a mission speaker as well. We had John and Elaine Ratzlaff share about their passion for “Lifeline for Haiti” and the work they’ve done with them. They are a non-profit organization benefiting children in an orphanage in Haiti. Their stories and photos were moving. We as a congregation share a fellowship meal as well. When it was over, my son Tobias leaned over to me and said “some day I want to go there and help those people.” It moved me to tears.

Tobias has the heart of a servant. He is a giver. Someday I know he’ll do great things, great in the sense of growing God’s world and making it a better place in some way that he’ll be led. It excites me when I see the spontaneous desire in him to be called, to serve.

He is my helper at home too, doing what I ask without argument 99% of the time, being the first to volunteer and pitch right in, even when it isn’t a pleasant job. He does this with a cheerful heart. Now don’t think I’m putting him on a pedestal…he is a normal 13 yr old boy who makes rash poor choices in life as well….and learns from them most of the time.

Are you a giver? Do you recognize giver’s around you? Don’t we all seem to know who is generous and who isn’t? I can drive a hard bargain but I can also fold over like a limp noodle quickly when moved. As a parent sometimes I’m trying to hold the line and then I totally cave into the moment and release with grace.

So I’ll continue to nurture Tobias in his walk with the Lord, praying for his safety and that his path leads him to continue to be the heart of a giver like he is now.

Cross in the sky

2011-11-04T11:29:00.000-05:00

On this morning’s commute I’m driving along….thinking “oh, here comes the sunrise…” then I notice two planes had make a cross in the sky and as the sun rose it became illuminated. (I used my work camera – believe me it was more glorious in real!) I thought to myself, “Yes God, you are here and reminding me of your son’s sacrifice for my sins.” It was great to have that reminder and some driving prayer time to focus my day on what is truly important in life.

Judges 5:31…..But may all who love you be like the sun when it rises in its strength.

Fall things I love...

2011-10-31T21:49:00.002-05:00

Fall things I love:

Playing outside when the temps are great.

Gathering acorns with my sweetie girl.

The smell of burning leaves.

The change of a season in all its splendor reminding us once again, everything is in constant change, growth and death are a part of the creative design we live in and to accept it is to know life and live life to its fullest. Guess I'm busy getting my acorns in a row.

Grief just slips up and slaps you in the face

2011-10-28T08:19:00.000-05:00

Grief just slips up and slaps you in the face.

Grief. It is a word of its own. Lately, it slips up and slaps me in the face. I like to pretend “I’m fine” and say it enough and fake it enough. Truth is, lately I’m really ticked. In the stages of grief some call it the anger phase. I think I already went through all the stages but decided to come back to ticked.

I started to list my “ticked” items then deleted them. I know them, they are there and I don’t want to see them in black and white. I also know who I need to give them too – but I’m going to hold onto them awhile longer so I can be ticked longer. Maybe I like being ticked….no, not really. Sorry if I’ve vented it on you verbally at some point. I like my soap box once in a while.

I’m weary. I think I’m still sad. Well, ticked is a better word to describe it. Not sure how long I’ll hold onto this. How long I hide this from some. Hmm, wish I was better at processing this. Maybe writing this is processing it. Maybe not.

My friend Dawn's favorite saying "this too shall pass." I'm waiting for it to pass.

I think I'll hug my children extra tonight, gaze into their brown and blue eyes and let their hope pour into my soul so I have enough to get up and do it all again tomorrow.....

Too Good To Be True!

2011-10-11T16:07:00.003-05:00

Too good to be true.

Have you been raised with this saying? Usually it comes with reference to a super deal, warning us to proceed with caution or have doubt. Lately my son clicked on the spam on facebook that went something like this: “Heh Anthony, you just won a Dell computer from facebook, click here to see your computer…http:toogoodtobetrue.com.” Yup, he suckered for it and SPAM – all his friends and their comments got the same stupid message. People let me know “heh your son got spammed or hacked or something.” Folks, it is a life lesson he’s got to learn and I don’t want to hear about it! **Sigh**

Made me think as I logged into his account, changed his password, removed as many as I could with my “mommy guilt” even though he did this himself…I didn’t’ do it (course I’ve done other stupid spam things!). Anyway, made me wonder how do I teach him NOT to believe he’ll will 1 million dollars, get a free car, etc. The boys have been obsessed with McDonald’s Monopoly. This is sadly becoming a tradition as they amazingly reach into take coupons off other people’s discarded cups and find them on the floor. Tobias’s football team stopped at rotten Ronnie’s on the way back from a game and Tobias is convinced two boys gathering won $100,000….still tracking that one!

So, when the world lures us into these things and we try to teach them the odds aren’t there or it is a scam…..then how can we turn around and expect them to believe in Noah’s ark, lions not eating a man, dead people raised, a man dying on a cross and raised up in three days that gives us eternal life? How do they know fiction from truth? Our world is tricky…..our faith should not be. How do I teach them that Christ isn’t too good to be true?

I want my son to wait until he takes catechism class, he needs more maturity. He needs Christ because he wants Christ and he needs to know on his own that Jesus isn’t a hoax or made up and that Jesus IS very good and true. For this I pray.

Meanwhile, I’ll go let them enter more Monopoly codes as their hope in a win (even if it is only coke rewards). I find it encouraging that they’ll have that type of belief in their own faith walk someday…..

I’ve been here

2011-10-01T16:49:00.002-05:00

Sophia leaves her mark in our bathroom…..the toilet roll is never the same after she visits.

Let me talk about our master bathroom. The older three have to knock and gain permission to enter our bedroom, let alone our bathroom aka first aid center.

This little one with morning hair….

she just waltzes in because she is 4. Because she can and does. So, most of the time, she likes to use our bathroom, especially when I’m in it. This might be showering, doing my makeup. She brings in her blankie and usually a flashlight and sets up “talking camp” during the week while I shower/get ready. I don’t have morning alone time usually. I cherish both the mornings I can get ready by myself and with her.

Most days I talk her out of showering with me because I don’t have time during the work week so she looks forward to weekends when I allow it once….and that usually means these……

come in the small shower for her entertainment. I also spend a lot of money on leg shaving cream because she usually needs some in a tea cup, saucer or whatever. It is very fun to smear all over.

The marvel of younger children is the trail in life they leave….this makes me ponder what trail in life am I leaving? Do people see Jesus in me and know I strive each day to be His good child? Some days I’m falling short, other days I’m feeling pretty good about my walk. What am I leaving behind me? We work hard at teaching all the kiddos to clean up after themselves that responsibility comes with a life lesson that can hold valuable. That said, sometimes I think we are so busy erasing our paths behind us that we “hide” Jesus shining by the very essence of our trying to clean up behind us as we go.

So, when the toilet roll shows Sophia has been visiting…..it makes me smile in my aggravation to challenge myself to leave a better trail myself.

The "It" has a name.

2011-09-29T08:27:00.001-05:00

The “It” has a name. I’m not nuts. I’m not crazy. “It” was so hard to describe and others judged and others didn’t understand. “It” left me feeling like something was wrong with ME, that no matter how much love, structure and how hard I (and we) tried “It” wouldn’t let us in by normal means. “It” was the force in us non-renewing our foster license. “It” is R.A.D. = Reactive Attachment Disorder. Google it, it isn’t pretty.

We put her through extensive testing. When the Doctor talked to us as a couple and asked me if I felt bonded with her, I cried as I admitted “no, not at all.” And it isn’t because we got her later, it isn’t because we aren’t trying, it is because “It” controls her from bonding, she isn’t capable….YET! We’ve more work to do and we won’t give up. We are at a new line with the gun going off as the new race has begun. This time the blindfolds are off.

What does a title mean? It means we can research the correct way, it means we can study and learn to parent a R.A.D. child. Does it mean it will be easier? No, but we’re making headway with proper support and professional help to assist our family in dealing with this demon, and yes it is a demon, that has been pulling at the roots of our family.

If we hadn’t had the years of marriage to cement us, I can see how this can tear family apart. There is no “normal” anymore, we are tired, weary, stressed, controlled and pulled in directions we’ve no control over. NOW we can fight back with the knowledge of “It” with learning and growth.

A hard part has been to see our other children suffer too when the violence comes and sometimes is directed at them. I will NOT allow them to be hurt, we will draw the line in the sand on safety. That said, they need tools too to learn about this and know why their sibling does what she does, says what she says. Their education will allow them to be able to cope as well. We will find ways to give them respite and importantly, take respite ourselves so we can handle the waves that come sometimes gently, sometimes in tsunami force.

A book I just finished called “We adopted a Dusty Miller” was like reading something I could very well have written myself in a lot of ways, while there are differences, there are many similarities and I’d suggest anyone who wants to learn more about “It” read this book as a good start. There are two more books on the counter that we will be reading. If you have life experienced advice or good web sites / books / resources you’ve used please share in comments. If you don’t want it published, just let me know.

So, prayers and support are needed. We walk this walk….God has a purpose and direction for us even though we didn’t dream of this direction, we embrace what God has placed before us and as His servants will strive with His help to make it through this and grow in new ways.

Time for me to indulge in some more Dove Chololate therapy and HGTV!

I desire my soul to be like this lake!

Loss and Change

2011-08-13T21:01:00.000-05:00

Loss and Change

Hi. It has been a while again. Our temperatures in KS have been 100 give or take for like 40 days and 40 nights. Crops have withered and died, our grass is suffering greatly and we can’t get enough water on it this year. Rain comes with storms of late....too late for some crops possibly and we'll see if our yard rebounds.

Loss: Summer was starting off wonderfully with a busy bang. Then the big bang. My Dad passed away on June 13^th. The world just stopped and we headed north to Canada to attend to his funeral, honoring a man who was larger than life to me and is so greatly missed. This less than 1.5 years from my brother passing away from brain cancer. Loss. While he is released from the suffering of his asbestosis and restored above, he is missed greatly below.

Change: In the midst of my Dad passing, I was looking at changing jobs. When we returned to Kansas, I resigned after a collective 25 years with a company through mergers and growth….I broke away for a fresh start that showed me a better future in doing what I love to do. That said, new challenges and starting from the bottom create stress too, no matter if we created the change, change is stress.

Prior to all of this, we’ve experienced some parenting moments that took us to a new low in having to call 911 on one of our children. I’ve cried a fountain forever it seems….but this low brought forth the pursuing of new and more answers to get her the help she needs. When at the depths, my wise mother-in-law said “I believe God gave her to you because he knew you wouldn’t quit on her and you’d pursue until answers have been found.” Bless her wisdom, it gave me the strength and we are still doing that with testing, etc.

Not but 30 days from my Dad’s passing away, my Uncle in Canada passed away too, this was really hard on my Mom….soo much loss, her first brother to pass away.

So…..again, the song from Laura Story “Blessings” lifts me up in my weakness and allows my tears of healing to flow. "what if my greatest disappointments or aching of this life, is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy? What if trials of this life; the rain, the storms, the hardest nights, are your mercies in disguise?" It is a great song - it challenges me to remember the Lord above has the ultimate plan in his hands. So.....I'll pray for rain and mercies....pray with me friends.

Out of focus

2011-06-02T22:11:00.000-05:00

Out of focus

In a hurry, loved the little bird on the truck – snapped a picture and moved on. Later as I downloaded pics I found this one shot – blurry, out of focus on the subject but the trees look nice and clear! Missed it….lost the shot.

I was going to delete it when I thought, how many times do I lose focus during the day? Going to email and a story grabs my attention, heading across the house to put away laundry and something changes my task. I’m not ADD but live with two boys who are and sometimes I worry they are rubbing off on me! So many directions we all can get pulled in physically or emotionally – derailed and out of focus in our lives.

Lately our town has had the misfortune of many morally sad events. The media of Hollywood and politics sure have their equal share as well. People who have it all out of focus on the important parts of living, making choices that ruin so much…..living then with those consequences, sins of desire and corruption overtaking all the good they had, changing life directions with no going back for a redo. What is done is done. The holes can be patched….but will they ever be the same? How do we get so out of focus….I want to learn from my mistakes and others….hoping that I can remain true to my focus and stay the path, strong and true. Not easy in this world of temptations. Especially with our humanness that God gives us.

So – I pray for clear direction in my life. Keeping on that narrow path. Not yielding to temptation. Holding strong, holding to the strong people in my life and the faith I have. Resting in Jesus for my daily decisions while forgiving myself when I fail. Coming to know peace in new ways. I am not perfect. Recently Courtney in anger said “you think you are always right.” I was like, “No, I’m not perfect, I make many mistakes daily…oh look, I’m right about that!” She failed to see the humor in that.

Ezekiel 34:17-19 (NIV)

¹⁷ “‘As for you, my flock, this is what the Sovereign LORD says: I will judge between one sheep and another, and between rams and goats. ¹⁸ Is it not enough for you to feed on the good pasture? Must you also trample the rest of your pasture with your feet? Is it not enough for you to drink clear water? Must you also muddy the rest with your feet? ¹⁹ Must my flock feed on what you have trampled and drink what you have muddied with your feet?

Shake, Rattle and Roll!

2011-05-31T21:11:00.000-05:00

Shake, Rattle n Roll Van

OK, our Honda Odyssey is hitting the 260,000 miles mark. We’ve loved this van but lately it has developed a quirk. You see, what we believe is happening is there is a small short between the brake pedal that causes the electrical portion to have amnesia occasionally. What that translates to is….the vehicle will be running, but we’ve NO lights on the column and the ability to shift into drive or reverse is GONE. Yup, just sitting there using gas and not going anywhere. Our side doors are electric only as well and they don’t open or close when this happens either….was tough when 80 plus year old Grandma was in the van and the kids just told her “Just hop over and go out the passenger door!” NOT gonna happen.

So, the first time this happened to me was when I was in my friends driveway….I was SOOOO embarrassed and no one was around, I didn’t have a CLUE what to do….so some type of non-mechanical instinct took over and I opened my driver’s door, stood up and pushed in anger against the vehicle….the lights popped on and I was able to back out and drive away. I didn’t tell my husband. Not sure why, but just didn’t. Weeks go by. Hubby goes somewhere and has the same problem….ooops. He calls me, I tell him “get out and shake the vehicle.” It works again….he was like “how did you know to do that?” Hmmm – divine intervention and I didn’t even call Click and Clack!

So, after numerous more times of getting out and shaking it – seeing the lights come on, jumping back in, then they disappear before I can get it in gear….repeat….we learned as a family we can all sit in the van and shake forward/back, jump up and down and the lights pop on again. Yaahhh! So…if you are out there and wonder what is wrong with that family in the white van……we are just a rockin’ n rollin’ down the road of life! This Sunday when it happened in the church parking lot, the boys broke out singing "Shake, Rattle and Roll, Shake, Rattle and Roll" Too funny!

When life gives you lemons….make lemonade! We have gallons of lemonade so come on over.

Proud of You!

2011-05-28T21:42:00.000-05:00

Proud of You!

Proud of you. You didn’t pick up GPA awards, you didn’t get a Citizens Award or outstanding this or that. You sat there and clapped for the many classmates that picked up award after award…but they didn’t ask me, because I’d give you award after award that despite the rocky year of 8^th grade – you survived. You made it. Not always your best but…you MADE IT and I love you no matter what. I’d much rather you receive the award of going heavenward in your life someday than any paper mankind could give you. That is the reward that will mean the most because then I’ll know that Christ is center in your life.

I’m proud to be called your Mom and I will support and push you through the next 4 years of school because there is life after High School and it can be your dream to do whatever you want….you are smart, funny, talented, kind hearted and I am blessed to be in your life and call you my son. Even when I’m grumpy, yelling or angry at the last thing you may have destroyed or lied to me about, I’m still there for you and will be.

So – using some of the words from Laura Story’s Blessings my prayer for you is may your blessings come through raindrops and your healing come through tears and that if it takes a thousand sleepness nights to know God is here so be it. When friends betray you, when darkness seems to close in and you are aching of this life, these storms and hardest things are mercies in disguise. Amen.

Happy Easter!

2011-04-24T17:08:00.000-05:00

Happy Easter!

When hiding Easter eggs.....we were missing one last egg - Sophia just couldn't find it! Where did that egg go?

Funny Anthony!

Faded Memories

2011-04-15T22:06:00.000-05:00

Faded memories of an era gone by always lure me to abandoned places. I wandered about this old drive-in movie zone saddened by the decaying wood, flapping metal and signs that life had been here but won’t be again.

I walked and heard the movie playing while children played on equipment now abandoned – their voices ringing with laughter as they ignored a horror show above them or some kissing scene.

Cars out here where now the Kansas wind blows and blows…things happened in those cars, a first kiss, a virginity lost, arguments, laughter, a child conceived, marriage proposals, break ups….so many possibilities. Not to mention the popcorn, candies and sodas.

Old signage left with messages not to be heeded again stares up in abandon.

The ticket booth vandalized – change drawer open sadly waiting for pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters that won’t come. The thick glass broken by someone who didn’t appreciate the beauty of this timeless era.

A HGTV moment of my soul cried out “Wouldn’t it be great to restore it?” But as the farmers drive by and the kids on their way to school – no one has time nor money to invest in something seasonal that doesn’t pay the bills….Netflix and Dish have taken over. Sometimes change hurts…but it doesn’t change the reality.

So I wander on ; looking at the next place that moves my soul with love for the old and the sadness that it brings in its state of neglect, yet it draws me in with my mind every time. Oh the parallels of life I find in these places.

I have to remember there will be days like this

2011-04-11T21:11:00.000-05:00

I have to remember there will be days like this. And when they come, Lord give us the protection to guide us in your wisdom to ride this one out. We've stepped on the hornets nest and she is rearing her head....like a bucking bronc here we go.......

The Beer Bottle

2011-04-10T21:21:00.005-05:00

The beer bottle:

Day 1 – oh look, there is a beer bottle someone tossed out. **pain**

Day 2 – oh look, it is still there, wonder who threw it out? **pain**

Day 3 – oh look, there is the same beer bottle sitting there, empty. Who was drinking it? Were they intoxicated and driving? Or just like “havin’ a Coca Cola” person? Did they make it home safely? **pain**

Day 4 – oh look, there is the same beer bottle I’ve been pondering about. I remember my cousin Kurt Friesen riding his bicycle home after visiting his girlfriend on a nice evening like this in 1981 late August , when a drunken man struck him from behind, leaving him a vegetable in the ditch until someone came along, found one of his shoes and upon further looking found Kurt unconscious in the ditch. Kurt didn’t make it. He was 17 years old and I still miss him. His whole life gone. Bottle of beer – shame on you. Driver who tossed you, shame on you for littering and reminding me of this pain. Kurt. And others like Brandon, my bestie's son who was only 27. And so many more. That was a life changing year for me that altered the direction of my life back in 1981.

Not only do I hurt for those loved and lost – I hurt for the control this alcohol has had and does have over people I know and don’t know. Family and friends. Habits are hard to break – this is one bad habit. This habit of another person has given us three of our children.

Day 5 – oh look, there is that damn beer bottle. I’m going to stop and get rid of it. I’m going to pray before I recycle it that the mouth and hands that held this only enjoyed the hobs for their flavor like I enjoy a Coca Cola. And that intoxication didn’t come into play on this beer bottle. May the people fighting the demon of addiction for whatever substance of choice be given strength in their battle. Because I care - and love you too.

Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. Ephesians 5:18

White Lies

2011-04-05T21:29:00.000-05:00

What is a white lie? Is it the gray area between black and white? I’ve been struggling with this one with my children. If I allow white lies – then how do they discern the difference between lying and telling the truth? This is hard for them given their backgrounds, people; especially adults they’d loved and trusted lied to them constantly. We have real wounds from those lies that will last a lifetime and take therapy!

So in trying to show the better path of truth, one area as a parent I’ve been adamant about in telling the truth is in having a Facebook account. You have to be 13. That is what the company requires. Today Tobias is 13. This week he gets his Facebook account. He has waited for this and I admire his patience in the wait.

I’d really like to hear from all the conservative Christians out there who have allowed their children to have a Facebook page, knowingly putting in a date other than the TRUE date of birth to activate an account and how they justify that? Just a little white lie? It’s OK because I monitor my child’s activity? Their friends have it? I’d like to hear from the kids who lied to get their pages and state they are Christians in their status – how does God see that white lie? If we lie about this, do we white-cheat too? Where does it stop? Where does it begin? What is honesty? When does it apply – only when we want it to? What worldly rules do we follow and not follow? Do we speed past speed limits because we don’t get caught? Underage drink? Do we only have to tell the truth in court after swearing on a Bible? When is it OK versus not OK?

I’m not trying to present a “holier than thou” attitude; I truly struggle with this as a right from wrong perspective in wanting to set examples for my children. I’m not perfect and fail regularly. This one I just don’t get. So enlighten me….challenge me, grow me, so I can understand societies need for deception in a very visible form and be OK with it. Why do you have a Facebook page if you aren’t 13 yet and if you are a parent why do you allow it? What is the thinking that I don’t see or understand?

Wikipedia defines white lies in positive way: White lies are minor lies which could be considered to be harmless, or even beneficial, in the long term. White lies are also considered to be used for greater good.

Harmless or even beneficial. Hmmm.

¹² Whoever of you loves life
   and desires to see many good days, ¹³ keep your tongue from evil
   and your lips from telling lies. ¹⁴ Turn from evil and do good;
   seek peace and pursue it   Psalm 34:12-14

¹⁷ An honest witness tells the truth,
but a false witness tells lies. Proverbs 12:17

What a person desires is unfailing love; better to be poor than a liar. Proverbs 19:22

So, thank you Tobias for allowing me as your parent to hold to my ideals and be honest...and yes, I'll be your first friend as well! Luv Mom

Spring Break Reflection

2011-03-28T21:32:00.000-05:00

While hubby had to work....we made the best of it with "day trips" all around Kansas and had a great time....a bonding time.... Oh the places we've traveled and the memories we made. Life is a journey and only you hold the map!

Your face

2011-03-13T16:56:00.001-05:00

The last six months haven’t been easy – we’ve journeyed through waters that have been deep. At times I felt like I was drowning as your parent. At times your hate penetrates my soul so deep it shakes my core and I think of giving up. I hate myself for feeling that way. I can’t change your past – so why do you cling to it so? Don’t you see your future, can’t you reach it and grab it and run with it? How can I help you cross the bridge to find the green field of life? Sorry – we are not Disneyland every day of the year – we are a real family. We have good days and bad days and there are always chores to be done for this family of six. You say you want to be an only child – sorry, you have siblings and believe it or not they are helping make you a better person and your life will be richer because of them. I’m weary when you say it is always my fault. Your words cut deep when the hate comes. I hate what it does to our family. We are getting you help. Sometimes it seems like there is no help and I fear for your future and ours.

Your face holds so much emotion

I know when you are mad.

I know when you are happy.

I know when you are scared.

I know when you are uncertain.

I know when you are lost.

I know when you need help.

I know when you need sleep.

I know when you are clueless.

I know when you are at peace.

I know when you feel loved.

I know when you feel frustration.

I am your Mom through the gift of adoption – I know you. I love you. No matter what.

The ipad

2011-03-06T21:45:00.000-06:00

OK - we got an ipad and this is what happened....

Me - Mom - "excuse me the living room is a mess, it needs to be cleaned up and there is laundry and dishes and etc etc." Response:

OK - chalk it up for play time with the kids....the dust bunnies can wait as the years go fast....

Even Soph abandoned her babydoll for the ipad - she loves it. Does puzzles on it. Plays matching on it. Learns her colors with a free app program. I have to admit - I love Boggle on it and Angry Birds.

So iwon't complain. iwant them to enjoy it and ihave already heard hubby investigating the next version which means ibroke even more! :-)

It's FRIIIIIDDDAAY

2011-03-04T14:51:00.002-06:00

Loved watching the Flinstones growing up.....It's FRIIIIIDDDAAAAYYY!

Following

2011-03-01T21:54:00.000-06:00

I am called to follow God, follow His word, and follow his commands.

Deuteronomy 13:4 It is the LORD your God you must follow, and him you must revere. Keep his commands and obey him; serve him and hold fast to him.

Sometimes that following is hard when you think you’ve made a choice that was His will for your life and it becomes the hardest thing you’ve ever done. I’m struggling right now with such a choice. I’m wavering and doubting and trying to hold fast…believing love can conquer all….but thinking maybe I’ve just not gotten on my knees enough to truly follow and listen to what He is telling me. I’m missing it…what is it that I’m just not getting?

My Tobias is taking D.A.R.E. at school right now – we’ve talked a lot about following the crowd and the tough choices that he’ll be presented with in his life. We’ve talked openly and freely about alcohol, tobacco, inhalants and drugs. We’ve set rules for our household should someone make a poor choice. We’ve then had to use those rules lately….not easy stuff. Following. Following your peers or standing free and confident in who you are…..children love to follow. Not always a good thing.

Soph has been invading my bathroom morning time and when I’m finally ready, before we leave my bathroom and bedroom, she has to be the “line leader” and I have to follow her. She loves to have this important role as she leads me to the kitchen. She makes me smile.

Sometimes I just want to be a goose in the middle, drafting off others, but we have to take our turns and pull to the front for the other geese for it to be successful…..we can’t just follow when it is our turn to lead. So….I’ll pull up my socks, cast on my cloak of Christianity and with strength only He can give me will continue down this path one day at a time. I’ll be the line leader when called to. Praying for wisdom and holding fast to my Lord. This too shall pass – (my friend says that all the time)….she is right.

Leaf in the Snow.

2011-02-05T22:23:00.000-06:00

Are you a leaf in the snow?

I watched this leaf blowing in the snow on our deck and it made me think how lost and lonely it seemed, being wisped in all directions with no control over its direction. It stood out of place on the snow, fallen months ago from it’s main family of nourishment and life. Alone. Cold. Lifeless. I could almost hear it cry for help knowing the life it had before.

I see people like this leaf. They have left the love and life of their families and God’s love and life as well. They are blowing aimlessly about going this way and that. Their priorities seem all askew. So many people search in the wrong places for what is important in life. Like the leaf they can’t work their way back to the tree of life for whatever reasons and bondage that keep them in the place they are. Sometimes they don’t even see themselves as the dried up leaf...but others see and know. I think at certain times in our lives we can all relate to this leaf too.

I’m glad I’m not a leaf in the snow. Maybe I’ve had my moments when trials seem to rise to the forefront of life. But, my family and friends nourish me. My church and relationship with Christ nourish me and sustain me – keeping me connected.

I hope you aren’t a leaf in the snow.

Proverbs 3:18

She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her; those who hold her fast will be blessed.

Oh no!

2011-02-01T22:59:00.001-06:00

OK - who taught her this brain itching?

To pick or not to pick...that is the question. Sigh...etiquette school is going to be expensive at this rate! :-)

Merry Christmas Blogland!

2010-12-23T13:19:00.000-06:00

Curiosity killed the cat..or so the saying goes!

2010-12-08T21:15:00.000-06:00

Children are naturally curious. I think God has fun with the mankind “curious” gene. In my case, my children are VERY curious...about everything. This can on occasion, create embarrassing moments....let me share a recent example.

Part 1: Courtney recently went to the “ Health Museum ” on the 5^th grade trip, learning about the upcoming changes she’ll experience as she matures on her puberty journey. (OK – warning, this might shock some of you despite my ability to be “sensitive” in verbiage!). That said, we bought some “supplies” to have on hand for the appropriate time. She is as all young girls, excited and curious and nervous and everything else about it! We’ve had a number of chats as the unknown of it all is driving her batty. So...she put her pending supply in the bathroom drawer that is hers. Correct disposal and all that had been discussed.

Part 2: Right before Thanksgiving, our basement sewer lift quit. Third time since 2006 – it should last 15 years, but no, we are on our 3^rd fix. Just FYI.

Part 3: AFTER Thanksgiving, Tobias informs me he went into the bathroom and found the toilet unflushed in their main bath and it was rather full, but he went ahead and flushed it – serious talk about "get a grown up next time before just flushing whatever!

Part 4: Sophia loves toilet paper parties in the bathroom, after all, we are three!

Part 5: I find a “pad” wrapper and back strip in the trash can, but NO pad. Hmmm

Part 6: I ask each of the three older children, do you know anything about this? Exhibit A = evidence.

Part 7: All three deny having touched ANYTHING like that and plead ignorance. Since it was late in the evening, they all went to bed.

Part 8: Saturday morning, after the older three eat their breakfast I inform them we are having a mini-family meeting – them and me! I show them my “evidence” and explain, I have no problem with curiosity, but want to know where the MAIN part the leftovers went...did it get flushed, stuck on a friends back, fed to the dog????? Just where did it go? No one knows anything. SO....this is where I began to really have fun. I went into a little “ Health Museum ” biology about the purpose of a pad and why a girl will have to wear it, etc etc. My son’s faces are open mouthed and they are attempting to cover their ears but still want to hear what I have to say, saying they didn’t know that stuff, gross, la la la la. I tell them they've been to the health museum chats but the declare that stuff wasn't discussed. Courtney sits there (because she knows the stuff) sheepishly looking at my like I’ve lost my mind. I also pointed out Courtney knows that they don’t get flushed and she’ll discreetly place them in the garbage can wrapped up so we don’t have to stare at the bloody grossness and hopefully the dog won’t drag them around the house. (Occasionally he is known to wear a “Light Days” or two.) I advised them that in the next 20 minutes the person who messed with it out of curiosity just needs to be HONEST (read other blog on lies, lies lies....yes we have them in our house) and there is no consequence for anything if they fess up before 8 a.m. After that the timer gets set and for every 30 minutes without a confession if will cost $5 per kid who “didn’t” do the exploring to be paid to the siblings, they’d all be grounded alike, etc etc....no life at all, fess up.

Part 9: Courtney needs to use the bathroom and is excused from the room. Instantly a hand goes up (like they are in school....which is funny because they never do that at home!) and a confession erupts with a request for me to not disclose the culprit nor talk about it anymore. Supposedly it was flushed; brief conversation reminding them it is like a diaper and we don’t put those in the toilet....ignorance is blamed.

Part 10: Two days later I’m touching up the daybed in the guest room and my foot feels something “suck” onto it, from under the bed skirt a “pad” is stuck to my sock. Liar confronted again.....I just don’t get it. Lecture told to him “don’t lie to me; just tell me the truth, why did you say you flushed it? Did you plan to wear it to school?” Warned him I might stick it on his back unknowingly.....

Part 11: Life goes on until the next weird adventure of one toddler, two pre-teens and one teen.

Someone – please tell me they at least smiled :-) in reading this....it still cracks me up!

¹ “‘If anyone sins because they do not speak up when they hear a public charge to testify regarding something they have seen or learned about, they will be held responsible. ² “‘If anyone becomes aware that they are guilty—if they unwittingly touch anything ceremonially unclean (whether the carcass of an unclean animal, wild or domestic, or of any unclean creature that moves along the ground) and they are unaware that they have become unclean, but then they come to realize their guilt; ³ or if they touch human uncleanness (anything that would make them unclean) even though they are unaware of it, but then they learn of it and realize their guilt; Leviticus 5

Peace

2010-11-20T22:09:00.000-06:00

In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety. Psalm 4:8

Post revised and revisited

2010-11-17T09:13:00.000-06:00

Some time ago I posted a blog about one of my sons and the bullying he received. This is the first blog / post I have ever removed and I removed it because I was misunderstood. I hate being misunderstood. As I’ve thought about this, it made me think about the tower of Babel and how many religions / churches exist today because mankind can’t agree on the word of God...the Bible God’s own word to us....people misunderstanding people - this has been going on for a eons. That said, I stand behind what I said in that post. Fact: my son was bullied by teammates during the football season. (Quote: You are a disgrace to this team.) Fact: my children have in turn bullied others. Ouch.

As a child that was bullied when growing up and having one of those bullies call me after 20 years while in a 12 step program to apologize for the way he treated me gives me experience and perspective that are apart of who I am now. So...if you don’t like what I’m saying – warning, leave now, this is the good ol’ U S of A and I have the right to free speech!

I live in a small town. When we first moved here, everyone was SOO friendly. Some people still are. Classic small towns like this one are a true slice of America and the life lessons from the politics of this town are reminiscent of the problems that exist in our larger world. People with money have power, some people throw their weight around, others are posturing in the cliques they belong to or want to belong to....like I said, classic America . I’ve known people who have moved away from this town or others they grew up in, having experiences that chill my spine that shouldn’t have happened, stories of their pain filled journey through the school system and social life of small town USA . That being said, know that there are MANY good people in this town and others too, standing the test of time...lest this gets “misunderstood.” And I truly appreciate those “good people!” **wink and you know who you are. I’ll have to do a POSITIVE post about the blessings of small town USA – because there are many as well.

Ok, back to bullies. (sorry, known to get off in tangents and different thought lines:-) All my children have experienced bullying. From name calling, exclusion because they aren’t like everyone else, the list is long, etc etc. Courtney hadn’t been with us but a few months when a girl at Vacation Bible School told her she wouldn’t sign her T-shirt because her Mom didn’t like Courtney’s Mom (me!). OK....you bet I had to share a few things with Courtney...leave that girl alone, run and hide, there are other “friends” in the sea. She’s had a girl tell her that if anyone else wears the same clothes she has she won’t talk to them for a day....pure snobbery. She has a set of girls that “giggle” whenever Courtney walks past them, making her paranoid...finally one of Courtney’s friends just giggles back as it happens....I hate hearing about the girl drama, but want to know and don’t want to ignore it as I know it will go on for a long time. Last week I was saddened to learn she and her friend bullied another younger child.

The boys too have endured their share of guy bullying....and have dished it back in return. From the beginning of Kindergarten getting kicked on purpose in the back and trying to be a friend back to that person, from a girl beating up my son for something she thought he did at a church event, humiliating him....the list is soo long as are the lessons of life. We all have stories I'm sure.

The cycle rotates and repeats itself. "Treat others as you want to be treated" - we tell them over and over. They come from a system where they’ve seen and experienced BAD stuff....so they know how to give it back. I hate that. But it is the truth....you push them into the corner, they’ll come out swinging. That is what they’ve learned. But one of my kids though rolls over, gets beat and runs when he can get up. That saddens me too. His stress shows up in other ways as he releases it through destruction and nervous habits. No excuses, but reality.

It is SOOO hard to teach turn the other cheek and not do the “an eye for an eye” thing. You hear stories of kids that stand up to bullies, then their bullying ends. We’ve read special educational information at home about how to respond to bullies, the schools are full of awareness and zero tolerance. BUT...it still happens. A cancer with no cure, but the fight is getting stronger, yet the bullies are getting more sly. A great resource shared to me by another grown up who endured bullying is: http://www.bullies2buddies.com

We had this written on our drive way recently: Nice huh?

Kindness...we need to work harder to spread it so the ugliness doesn’t invade us and stay. It all starts with us, one action and word at a time. So if my kids, husband or I have hurt you – sorry. We are fish in the sea, swimming in the fast current trying our best like everyone else...but in the end, we are all human needing God’s grace and forgiveness.

Yesterday that "bully" girl was kind to Courtney and asked her to sit by her....that meant a lot to Courtney and we talked about maybe she'll even become your good friend yet! Hope for a changing world...one bully moment by one bully moment moving forward.

Matthew 5:38-39 Eye for Eye

³⁸ “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’^[a] ³⁹ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.

I Smell Good

2010-10-10T16:54:00.000-05:00

We often hear “I smell good” from Sophia when something yummy smelling is in the oven or on the stove, sending flavor full odors into our home. Basically anywhere Sophia smells yummy food she’ll declare this. She loves her food. She loves the smell of good food. Don’t we all?

What I like about her phrase is we understand what she means, despite the words not in proper English form for their meaning. BUT, we KNOW her, we KNOW what she means. We SMILE when she says this as we think it is cute coming from our three year old.

It is also an example of pure understanding by the ones who love her and acceptance. I am not quick to say “Sophia says ‘it smells good’.” We just smile and know. It makes me think of friendships I have or have had. Some have been a struggle on basic communication and I’ve felt I’ve had to defend my words on a constant basis with the understanding so often skewed in ways that I’m like “no, no, that isn’t what I meant.”

Often those relationships wear me down and don’t last. There isn’t a connection and when it is that hard, there probably won’t ever be one. My BFF’s are the ones I’m comfortable in my skin with and can “spew” my thoughts/feelings/emotions and be accepted in full with UNDERSTANDING 99% of the time. It doesn’t mean we have to AGREE. That is another thing. The English language is complex and how we use expressions and words, mixed with our baggage of upbringing, education, experiences and culture all play into that.

So…to my BFF”s who “get me” – thank you. Thank you for making me at ease enough to be who I am and love me anyways. When life gets rough you are there for me to vent…you are there for me to lean on, you are there to understand or pretend you understand without judgment.

“I smell good” is the core of comfort….may you “smell good too!”

I think I’m ready for that crock pot potato soup…later.

Dead Bird on the Sidewalk of Life

2010-10-04T22:22:00.000-05:00

What does the death of a bird represent in your life? When you see a dead bird, does your heart go “aaahh, poor bird” as mine does? Some believe they are omens. In our case, this dead bird came before a series of threes that ended with Steve losing his job....I’m not superstitious, but oddly coincidental? Of course Anthony had to pose with it before cleaning it up...silly boy!

Dead birds are often s a reminder to me that everything is mortal, everything dies or ends in time and it is just part of the life cycle. These creatures that fly high in the sky yet eventually end up becoming apart of the earth again. They are both of the sky and earth. Interconnected. Aren’t we all connected by the shared experience of being simply being alive, no matter what species? As Christians I’d like it if we’d remember this more often, look at the dead birds in our lives and come away with more compassion and understanding for each other.

We all know this old hymn (or at least the refrain) with words by Civilla D Martin:

1. Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heav’n and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant Friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

o Refrain:
I sing because I’m happy, I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

2. “Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

3. Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Mrs. Martin must have felt the “aaahh poor bird” moments in life too and she took that and turned it into something positive. So, go find the sparrow in your life and be free knowing He watches you!

Rubbish

2010-09-26T22:45:00.003-05:00

I found this trash receptacle at a hotel I stayed at recently while away on business. Usually in the U.S. of A. you don't see the word "rubbish" - to me that would be more Canadian or definitely more England prone verbiage. "Trash" is what it is called in the Midwest we reside in.

Right now - it reflects some of the stress we are experiencing. Steve was "let go" after 25 years of dedication and service....replaced by a "younger" less costly version of company tactics. Kansas has a law that they can fire you at will if they don't like the color of your eyes.....so here we are. I know God has better plans for him and I'm just sorry that he didn't leave them first.....I could vent for days but won't - I'll try to look at the positive that this will be. Some day that company's CEO will sit at the feet of Jesus and explain his actions there. Enough said. So, after 25 years of hard work and overtime on demand.....he can now cook for me daily! He can clean the house! He can run children errands....tomorrow it is off to the Orthodontist with one kiddo, etc. He can rest his mind and weary body to rejuvenate himself for the next step God has planned in his life. I love and admire him greatly as he turns a new page in his life. Pray for him friends.....pray for all of us!

The children asked...."so does this mean we'll be home schooled?" Lord, we aren't ready for that! Trust me...we have public schools for a reason and their names are our children! lol Tobias, my golden hearted child offered us his allowance savings...bless him. We won't rob them just yet I promised him! We have many blessings to count, many!

I know we are but a statistic in this world we live in and that many have experienced or are experiencing unemployment. So I'll humbly take to my knees and pray for all the world, as there are worse things out there and this too shall pass.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

My Shadow Children

2010-08-31T22:22:00.001-05:00

My Shadow Children

Shadows – can be fun, creative and scary.
It was shadow tag that broke Courtney’s finger the first day out of school on May 28^th!
Shadows can reflect dark things from our past.
Shadows are often referred to with negative connotations.
I like shadows.
Shadows are fleeting.
Shadows are silhouettes of life.

As I caught these pictures of my shadow children, I marveled at the beauty of each child in shadow...it shows their character so clearly to me. It made me ponder at the shadows in my life past and present.

Did the bible talk of shadows? Yes, it did quite a bit actually – 51 references to the word “shadow” in the NIV version. Have shadows been around since the sun was created back in Genesis with Adam and Eve? Did Adam and Eve see their shadows in the garden and play shadow tag? Did Old Testament parents teach their children to make sheep or cow shapes on their tent walls?

Job 8:9 says: for we were born only yesterday and know nothing, and our days on earth are but a shadow.

Day One of School 2010 - 2011

2010-08-19T21:39:00.000-05:00

Sigh...fresh clothes n shoes n backpacks n #2 pencils....here we go! Can you make a silly face?

A little better.

Glad their first day was so much fun! Rest well as the school year begins!

Birthday Girl is THREE!

2010-08-14T14:41:00.000-05:00

Birthday past.....my baby is now THREE that is 3! Yikes time goes so fast....loving every minute of it though. She is "all trained" and does SUPER and will attend some preschool this fall....her backpack has been ready for weeks. So much fun! She had one wish only - a Dora cake. Delivered!

A little spit with some cake doesn't hurt anyone!

Pet Shop animals rule!

So do baby dolls that match my curly hair.

Grandma Belknap and Grandma Schapansky always pick out the best birthday cards!

She is so silly - look at her funny expression - she cracks us up! I know your birthday was fun....love you always my little one who is now "THREE."

Before and After

2010-08-09T21:53:00.001-05:00

Before:

After:

This summer project represents me in many ways. Before summer, ready for a break - needing the refreshing Mountains of Colorado to cool and refresh my soul, leisure days with the kids in the water park and many other summer activities too many to list in my absence from blog-land. So now, I return, refreshed, ready to grow again blooming wider...time will fill my flowers and shrubs out....time will fill my heart and soul out.

School enrollment tomorrow....hard to believe it is that time again....how has your summer been? I'll be busy reading and catching up on my blog friends....good to be back.

When the rain let up - we lit them up!

2010-07-05T21:06:00.016-05:00

He could hardly wait!

A small reprieve of rain allowed the boys to FINALLY light their fireworks. It held enough that we even got to watch the town fireworks from our front porch....was a fun day despite the rain.

Soph said "aaahhh" and headed indoors!

BOOM Smokin"Not a happy ear camper!

Buds...we'll miss her when they move!

Ahh, this is better, snacks and a front row seat...INDOORS!

Happy July 4th Weekend All!

2010-07-03T16:39:00.000-05:00

Summer Days Again

2010-07-01T21:06:00.000-05:00

Where did June go? Today is July 1st - Canada Day. I called my parents, I'm a good daughter...usually! :-)

Here are some photos of the month (minus baseball).

Covered Up.

2010-06-22T21:07:00.000-05:00

In my work travels recently I passed this solar panel grouping with trees overtaking the one end, covering the solar panels. We had solar panels on our “older” home – a product of government incentives in the 80’s. If we didn’t manually turn off the blowers after the sun was off them, they’d just blow the cold air back in. We didn’t use them much and when we re-roofed that house after a hail we had a hard time finding someone to even take them since we didn’t want to put them back on.

How often do we get covered up in life – not allowing us to “shine” in the way God intended us? Those trees could be addictions, depression or other vices in our life that cloud over the sunshine in our lives. Sometimes those things creep up and grow slowing that we don’t notice the damage until it is done. As I thought of the seasons, like when winter comes and those leaves fall off, more sunshine will be able to make it to energize those cells in the panels. We need God to shed our leaves so that his Son he sent to save us can reach through and energize our cells too!

So, I’m going to re-evaluate my vices and see what needs pruning. I’m sure I’ll find a few things.

He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. John 15:2

Blue died

2010-06-15T22:48:00.000-05:00

Blue died. Royal flush happened Sunday, no one noticed until Tuesday.

I love my ladybugs

2010-06-09T21:39:00.000-05:00

Kids clothes are so cute and can make almost any insect look harmless. Here Sophia is impressed with an outfit that I found that has a cheery flower and ladybugs on it.

Now – you have to understand I “hate” insects like big time – we can talk about my therapy later, but I really HATE insects. That being said, I don’t even like butterflies either – like moths, they flit and I can’t handle that. BUT, I do like ladybugs. They don’t intimidate me. I know God created everything – and all is good and for a reason, but I just wish he hadn’t made insects needed in the system of life.

In Leviticus 11:21

²¹ There are, however, some winged creatures that walk on all fours that you may eat: those that have jointed legs for hopping on the ground. ²² Of these you may eat any kind of locust, katydid, cricket or grasshopper. ²³ But all other winged creatures that have four legs you are to detest.

OK well, sorry – not interested in them for a vitamin boost to my diet either! I can do the “detest” part and justify my hate for insects if I use this scripture out of context – which I’ll do to support my lack of insect love! (Tongue in cheek here – hope you are at least smiling on the inside!)

Ladybug education:

Ladybugs (also called lady birds and lady beetles) are small, oval-shaped winged insects. These shiny insects are usually red with black spots or black with red spots on the wing covers. The number of spots identifies the type of ladybug. Most ladybugs are less than 1/4 inch (4-8 mm) long. As ladybugs age, the color of the spots fade. Birds are the major predator of the ladybug. Ladybugs will play dead when threatened.

These tiny predators are usually very welcome in gardens because ladybug larvae and adults eat aphids, mealybugs, and mites (which are garden pests). Ladybug larvae can eat about 25 aphids a day; adults can eat over 50. There are about 5,000 different species of ladybugs throughout the world. A common species is the two-spotted ladybug; it is orange red with one black spot on each wing cover. We had these mostly in Canada where I grew up.

The ladybug, like all beetles, undergoes a complete metamorphosis during its life. The life stages of the ladybug are: egg --> larva --> pupa --> adult.

Ladybugs live in a variety of habitats, including forests, fields, grasslands, gardens, and even in people's houses. In 1999 NASA took 4 ladybugs to space to watch them eat aphids in zero gravity – result was they did good in space.

Ok – that is probably more than you wanted to know about Ladybugs. It is plenty for me – I think I’ll go hug a soft stuffed animal of Sophia’s that isn’t an INSECT...back to the therapy thing~!

"Mommy, what are ya doin?"
"Sweetie, I'm just lovin' my little ladybug!"

Aaahhh Schools Out!

2010-06-05T22:56:00.002-05:00

Aaahhh Schools Out!

We survived the ‘09-‘10 school year! Now....BBQ’s, baseball games, swimming, church camps, summer reading ‘n’ relaxin’ times are here! Here me SIGH.......**sigh**

We had our first taste of Babe Ruth baseball double-headers this week. Sophie and her “friend” played Polly Pockets/babies, the other two hoodlums ran about with friends, I visited with friends around me while watching and hubby was glued to watching the game.....great times. Simple relaxed times are what I yearn for. The little things that make the difference...I don’t take them for granted and I praise my Lord for these daily blessings all.

Wishing you many moments in your life where you can kick back and count your blessings too!

Running Over

2010-05-22T21:37:00.000-05:00

Running Over

Running over, running over,

My cup is full and running over.

Since the Lord saved me

I’m as happy as can be.

My cup is full and running over.

**Always better sung barefoot with your socks on your hands….really, try it!

Phew

2010-05-18T20:58:00.000-05:00

Phew....where does time go? May has been piano recitals, graduations, traditional May Fete parade, visiting family from B.C, and just May in general! A busy time. I’m eager for school to be out....eager to have more and more relaxed evenings.

I’m eager for my oldest to find a better groove, grow up some and develop some better shoulders for bearing responsibility. He is my prayer child...I pray for all my children, but he really needs a few extra ones these days. So, when you find yourself lifting up prayers – please say an extra for my Anthony. I know God has great plans for him if we can survive these upcoming teen years that will begin in June....but have already started.

God is reminding me – my children are His children and no matter how we raise them, they are free to make choices everyday. For the parent out there with perfect children – I envy you....but then again I don’t...nothing has been "easy" in my life and the trials given to me are a continuance to be able to handle what God is placing in my path with growth and keeping a positive attitude. And God is still a-placin’ plenty these days! I can’t even use words to place some burdens here for they don’t belong in black and white, but God knows my heavy heart and holds me daily in my walk. I trip too and get disappointed in myself, but God still loves me and reminds me this journey will end before I am ready and my challenge is to find that joy despite the trials....

Every parade around here ends with the horses then the "clean up" crew. It marks “the end” quickly scooped up. I’m not ready for the end, I want to linger in the middle as long as can be – savoring up life’s joys. There is much joy surrounding me and when I hear the contagious giggle of Courtney at a dry joke of Steve’s it lifts the stress as I turn and watch a curly headed girl bounce about the house spreading her joy and love to all.....God is at work here....relief rains down...phew!

Job 16:4-6 (New International Version)

⁴ I also could speak like you,
       if you were in my place;
       I could make fine speeches against you
       and shake my head at you.

⁵ But my mouth would encourage you;
comfort from my lips would bring you relief.

⁶ "Yet if I speak, my pain is not relieved;
and if I refrain, it does not go away.

Job 32:19-21 (New International Version)

¹⁹ inside I am like bottled-up wine,
like new wineskins ready to burst.

²⁰ I must speak and find relief;
I must open my lips and reply.

²¹ I will show partiality to no one,
nor will I flatter any man;

Sophie's Beta

2010-05-11T22:17:00.000-05:00

Sophie pleads with us when we go to Walmart to go “look at the fish!” So, we go by them, she looks and oohs and ahhs. As a result we decided it would be interesting to get a Beta fish for her. She is excited about her fish. It’s name is “Blue” – can you tell why?

Years ago the boys had a red Beta fish. It was in one of those bowls with a plant on top. A friend (Rose) came to visit from Canada . I left her with the boys to run a quick errand up town and when I returned she said the boys made her feed the fish because they said she had to – so she did. Then she asked me “where is the fish?” We had a good laugh when I told her the fish had died three weeks earlier and the boys still hadn’t noticed, yet they made her feed it. The novelty of having a fish had worn off. So when it died I just didn’t mention it to the boys.

Isn’t is human nature – we like the new and exciting, yet once we get used to something, it can become routine, mundane.....we see parents this way, little babies are fun and exciting, but eventually they are work and it takes routine of loving with works to help them grow up. Some children become the red Beta fish – not cared for by their parents until it is too late. Or is it also like some marriages, routine – taken for granted, the excitement long gone after the honeymoon is over. Commitment, dedication and hard work just don’t rise up for some.

So Mr Blue – we’ll care for you, you may make it or not, but we’ll love you while you are here. I want my life to be like the newness of Blue – exciting and full of anticipation for what each day God brings me, but aware that routine is still OK! There may be “red” fish in my life that come and go that I won’t miss – that I don’t deny. But there are others I greatly miss in pain that doesn’t ease.

Lord, don’t let me take for granted the people in my life, the goodness you have given to me and the future before me. Help me to appreciate all you place in my path, from the Walmart fish to the children and husband you have blessed me with as well. Help me to do my best for your glory.

Psalm 8

¹ O LORD, our Lord,
       how majestic is your name in all the earth!
       You have set your glory
       above the heavens.

² From the lips of children and infants
       you have ordained praise ^[b]
       because of your enemies,
       to silence the foe and the avenger.

³ When I consider your heavens,
       the work of your fingers,
       the moon and the stars,
       which you have set in place,

⁴ what is man that you are mindful of him,
the son of man that you care for him?

⁵ You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings ^[c]
and crowned him with glory and honor.

⁶ You made him ruler over the works of your hands;
you put everything under his feet:

⁷ all flocks and herds,
and the beasts of the field,

⁸ the birds of the air,
and the fish of the sea,
all that swim the paths of the seas.

⁹ O LORD, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!

Window Cat

2010-04-29T21:40:00.000-05:00

We’ve had a fairly cool, non-rainy spring so far with a few blessed days of gorgeous weather. On one recent rainy day after visiting the post office, we drove and saw this cat sitting on the second story of a house on the window sill, outside. Looked like it would be saying “Will you just please let me in! Don’t you know it is cold and rainy out here?”

I was amazed that it wasn’t under the porch or on a first level, but rather clear up on the second level. For all the books I read as a child about a kitten getting stuck in a tree and the firemen rescuing it – in all my life I’ve NEVER seen a cat in a tree not able to get down. We lived on a farm – had cats and kittens in bunches......they didn’t crawl up to the second level of our house either.

So this cat made me go “huh?” And of course grab my camera for a picture.

Maybe lately I’m feeling like that cat – sitting on a too tall window, feeling the pressure of the wind and rain of life – just wanting to be inside safe, loved and unharmed. At lunch today my friend and I both felt like life sometimes is just harder than it should be for some folks...and maybe at times for us. Or is mankind becoming more fragile? We aren’t pioneers and mankind has all this technology (blessing or curse that it is). I think we have less compassion as a society, also less responsibility and less freedom.

I don’t like to be Negative Nelly....so I haven’t been posting as much....trying to find my way back to the joys of everyday living in simpler things. I’ve been watching “Hoarding” and getting freaked out so much as I made Steve take a vacation day with me to clean the garage! Don’t laugh. We worked hard....then we had a lunch date and ran errands before picking up the parenting hat again....was a good day, despite exhaustion!

So – back to my cat on the window sill. Her cries unheard. No one answered her plea so she sat there. I didn’t stick around to see how long she chose to stay there or how she got up there in the first place and back down. Did her owner save her? Did she just crawl back the way she came? Does she do this regularly or was this a one time event? Maybe like the cat, we have people around us crying too – are we listening? Do we stop to help open a window or just go our way? Sometimes I struggle to help the struggling in my world, I’m overwhelmed and can’t help when I want to – so I ignore the cries instead to keep my sanity in all the pain and wrong. Sometimes no matter how much we help some people, they still need and need and need...never growing out of their enabling situations. Those bother me. I think I’m rambling....so I’ll leave you with this scripture that I've been thinking about and how it applies to my life.

Proverbs 21:13
If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered.

To Hug or Not to Hug....That is the question?

2010-04-23T20:57:00.002-05:00

At coffee break at work we were talking about different people with regards to hugs. Some people are huggie people, and some people don’t like to be hugged. This reminded me that I need to be more sensitive to that too. I CAN be a huggy person with people I know, plus I’m an extrovert....so for the poor un-assuming introvert who hates being hugged – watch out! I’ve a niece who doesn’t like to be “hugged” by people, even acquaintances – now people she knows well or cute guys – sure! But the family friend she doesn’t relate to – back off! She doesn’t want a hug. Some people should just wear a sign “Hi, don’t hug me!” Now I don’t go up to strangers and just hug them or everyone I know, but there are times I hug my friends. Two of them every week! (Yes Dawn and Lisa – that is you)

I touch my children with loving touches to the hair, face and yes, hug them regularly. Sometimes I just say “I need a hug” and the volunteers just pour forth in our house! From this I've noticed they too on rough days are getting better at saying back to me "Mom, I need a hug." We are a huggie family and yes, have one girl still in “Huggies” from Wal-Mart! Seems if Steve and I embrace, it doesn’t take long and the twosome hug becomes a group hug with those little huggers sneaking in between our legs and trying to pry us apart to be included in the “hug.” It comes with the “I love you’s” (see prior post) too, same kind of logic. We need it all to be healthy humans.

Neglected babies don’t develop “right” emotionally and their psyche is all wrong if they are laid in a crib and not held, touched – that nurturing is needed to develop into a loving, compassionate person and for parts of the brain to develop "right.” All my children came to me lacking a good start of these healthy touches in one way or another at different ages and there are marked differences as a result. As we get older, sometimes we don’t take enough time to give a loving hand on the shoulder, hug or touch that connects us. In the fear driven world we live in, teachers can’t hug children at school, and yes, we need to know “good touch, bad touch” stuff, but it seems as though we don’t have enough good compassionate touch in our lives. TV, video games, texting – all alienate us from touch so much it worries me for our youth of today.

The word “hug” isn’t in the bible. It is embrace instead. Or clasp. So – here is a virtual HUG to anyone who needs it – tell someone today that you love them and give them a hug! Believe me – you need it too!

Ecclesiastes 3:4-6 NIV

⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away

PS: Today is Happy Adoption Day #9 for the boys - we celebrated around the business of life but acknowledged this special day telling the kiddos we're getting tickets to the State Fair show of MERCYME! Pray we get them before they sell out, they go on sale May 8th.

Tobias Turned Twelve

2010-04-13T21:15:00.003-05:00

Ok – his birthday came/went and it felt like we celebrated a week of it~! Falling shortly after Easter, he was showered with love and gifts.

His cake represents his current favorite thing to do – play Wii. He had a sleepover with two of his buddies that involved Wii, Wii and more Wii – oh, they did play outside to beautiful weather, watched a movie and a half.....hit the sack, whispered later than they should – oh to be young and silly!

Breakfast was at Tobias’s request at The Firehouse Café – an old firehouse turned homey restaurant with fresh good pancakes, eggs, bacon, etc. He wore a fire hat and got his picture taken then ate a brownie with ice cream....yes, this was breakfast! Sunday special people (Don & Donna) took Tobias out for a special lunch after church. They spoil our kids – we’re OK with that!

So....Tobias, I didn’t mean to post this so late – you are loved and I am excited to see you grow and mature into the wonderful 12 year old you are today! Your name is a Greek version of the Hebrew biblical name “Tobijah” which meaning is “God is good.”

Wishing you many, many more happy birthdays as we all celebrate God giving you life 12 years ago as a tiny 4.40 baby that stayed 17 days in the hospital fighting to live with a special plan for you that is still unfolding!

You are a blessing...XXXXOOOO Love Mom and Dad

A Path Remembered

2010-04-11T21:13:00.002-05:00

Sophia leaves stuff everywhere. Here she “visited” me in the bathroom, the path follows all around the house. Given 16 years of marriage B.C. (Before Children) I know I’ll have a time of neatness and organization again…so when I catch my breath in exasperation at the messiness everywhere, I simply remind myself that there will be a day that I’ll wish for these very toys scattered all over, reminding me of the vibrant youthfulness that walked those paths. So as I look at this abandoned pacifier and princess wand….it just makes me smile and ponder more.

What will we leave behind? Our time here on earth with worldly possessions is over in a blink. What all do we leave behind us and what does it say about us? Some day Jesus will come again to call us all home, maybe it will look like this…..just “stuff” left behind…and I pray I’m not the one looking at the stuff, but celebrating in heaven with loved ones gone before and those around me that love the Lord as well. So for now my job is to do my best – raise my children in the Lord and pray they’ll be with me when he calls us all home.

1 Thessalonians 4:14-18

¹⁴We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. ¹⁵According to the Lord's own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. ¹⁶For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. ¹⁷After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. ¹⁸Therefore encourage each other with these words.

Peace be with you!

2010-04-04T20:38:00.001-05:00

Happy Easter.

As we studied God's word today, it jumped out at me how Jesus greeted his disciples with "peace be with you." Calming their fears. He says this twice to the disciples and once later to Thomas.

Lately there are a lot of clothing items, necklaces, bags - all kinds of merchandise that have "Peace" on it. Courtney has sweats with it on, multiple T-shirts, a necklace, bracelet.....it seems to be a message that people connect with lately more than just a 70's remake. In this wild world we live in - we need to strive for peace. I don't let the kids buy things with skulls n cross bones, etc - but I do like the "Peace" message. I like this phrase Jesus uses and it challenges me to find more peace in my life.

John 20:19 ~ ...Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!"

John 20:21 ~ Again Jesus said, "Peace be with you!....

John 20:26 ~ ...Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!"

From our motly crew to you - Peace be with you this week and always.

(Sophia has her shoes on backwards and Anthony is wearing her hat! Sheesh!)

Monkey See ~ Monkey Do!

2010-04-01T18:03:00.001-05:00

Monkey see ~ Monkey do

OK - I'm too cool - not gonna do that - you guys are weird!

Inevitably when one kid makes a face, the others all jump in.

If we’d all just “Monkey See – Monkey Do” our Christian walk – just think what an influence we could have! It reminds me that as a Christian walking my walk, people are watching to see what I “do” versus what I “say.”

Philippians 3:16-18 ¹⁶Only let us live up to what we have already attained.
¹⁷Join with others in following my example, brothers, and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you. ¹⁸For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ.

Trials Persist

2010-03-28T22:22:00.002-05:00

Trials persist – I don’t think God intends for us to live a totally peaceful, trial free life – and lately it seems to be we move from one fire to the next. From Anthony being BITEN at school by another 7^th grader then also being beaten up at a church event by an older girl to the point of humiliation, to the washer breaking, so Soph having diarrhea, it just doesn’t stop. Then I take my deep breath, know my trials are nothing compared to others around me near and far, I listen in the silence and know my God is with me….my God is awesome….my God continues to grow me and remind me I need him and he is there.

Then I count my Blessings….1, 2, 3, 4, 5…..they go on.

I’ll leave you with this “blessing” of a new washer and dryer that cuts down the time like crazy from the old set – it is better than anything entertainment wise for Sophia…..she’d put her chair in front of it and eat supper watching it go round and round and round if I’d let her…..again, God is good and blessings come back to us in new ways when we experience trials! I just need to keep remembering that!

Courtney Turned 11 on March 16th in Texas!

2010-03-19T13:02:00.002-05:00

On our Spring break Courtney turned 11! This was her first birthday with us and as a Belknap. We "ate cake" at home before we left for Texas. We then celebrated on her special day at Rainforest Cafe in San Antonio TX with a volcano cake and many other special Birthday treats....like Lanie, the 2010 American Girl doll she received from us....yes, Lanie went EVERYWHERE with us! :-)

The Birds of Spring!

2010-03-02T22:02:00.000-06:00

The Birds are coming back

Flocks and flows of birds abound in the skies suddenly here in central Kansas . I’m eager for green and spring this year, more than normal. I've noticed others referencing their eagerness for Spring this year more than usualy. Usually I just enjoy each season, patiently waiting on the next – but this year feels different – the eagerness for outside play on green grass, planting flowers and hopefully for once, landscaping the front of our house is in my gut.

So I welcome the “V’s” of Canadian geese as they fly overhead honking....coming in larger batches, they are smart – they know better weather is coming. They tell my soul spring will be here before I know it.

Do you have something you anticipate with eagerness but have to be patient for it? “All things come to those who wait.” Who says that? Abraham Lincoln.

I think about Jesus and he knew what lay ahead for him. Did he have the feeling of dread, anticipation of “I wish it was over” – these are such human feelings to have – he was human.

Have you ever volunteered to teach or do something and then could hardly wait for it to be over, but once it comes and is done, you go “that wasn’t so bad” or “that was fun.”

Guess I'll sit back and wait....it will come, it always does....Spring.
Closure.
Green.
Hope.
Relief.
Restoration.
Resurection.
Revival.

Thank you Canada!

2010-02-28T20:58:00.002-06:00

Thank you Canada for hosting the 2010 Olympics! We've been glued to our TV night after night, depriving ourselves of sleep to watch what we could....I'll catch up on sleep this week.

I'll wear my hockey jersey tomorrow to work ~ great men's hockey game tongiht! There were a lot of bizarre and interesting things happening throughout these Olympics...memories made like the ones we remember of bad vacations over the "nothing so special" ones we had. These Olympics will be remembered as they enter the halls of Olympics past. Good and bad.

Thanks for the mittens Mom - I had to use a sharpie to initial them in the maple leaf to seperate the kiddos as they are all the same size!

Question In My Mind

2010-02-25T19:27:00.000-06:00

Seeing this old house, half fallen, half trying to hold on to its dignity....just leaves questions in my mind. Like why the blue shingles? Kansas is known for the classic colors of beige, brown, tan, white, grey....maybe if you are risqué you’d use green! So this person liked color – or they were on sale because they were blue and cheap! Now these shingles lay there spent, used up, no longer able to do their job as protector. Aged.

You can see the glimpse of life they had. They must have been bright and glorious in their day. Yup – just like me....I’m feeling like some old blue shingles today.

I especially like the rag stuffed into the broken window....dried and crusty, still hanging on. Then the holes in the side of the house – shotgun or woodpecker?

This old house has been abused, neglected and abandoned. Children, adults, pets; like this house, get abused, neglected and abandoned...I know...as a result of that treatment, I’ve four children! At some point the owners made a decision to not do upkeep, not do the work necessary to preserve or restore what God had entrusted to them. Are we that way? Are we not taking care of the things in our lives God entrusts to us – relationships, kindness to others, compassion, decency, faithfulness, honesty – I believe there are many people out there are like this house? There are many opportunities for us to extend the hand of God.

Psalm 31:5 - Into your hands I commit my spirit; redeem me, O LORD, the God of truth.

It makes me look at my life differently when I happen upon farms like this.

Egg on a Leg

2010-02-20T20:46:00.001-06:00

Having some egg on a leg

On a lazy morning start.

Not wanting to depart

From the touch of a Dad

Who makes her heart glad.

Happy Valentines Day!

2010-02-14T08:59:00.001-06:00

Psalm 26:3 ~ for your love is ever before me, and I walk continually in your truth.

To the man I love ~ Happy Valentines Day sweetie! I love you.

Thank you for your love.

Hoping everyone is told they are loved today, hug and tell your children, parents, siblings, friends and grandchilden - the power of those positive words is so important.

The Bible has no less than 697 references to the word form of "Love"

and only 128 given to the word "hate." So I think we know what we are called to do ~ Love.

Happy 50th Birthday Jim!

2010-02-13T07:40:00.001-06:00

As I listened to KD Lang sing "Hallelujah" during opening ceremonies of the Olympics in Vancover B.C. it moved me and made me miss my homeland and family. For some reason, this week has been difficult as I've been grieving all over my brother and the losses of others.

Today, Jim is celebrating his 50th birthday at the table of the Lord ~ I'm imagining the singing for him to be more glorious than anything we humans can procure.

Hallelujah Jim.....we miss you today and always.

Path of Life

2010-02-04T22:29:00.000-06:00

Sometimes when life allows a leisure walk, it can be refreshing to ones soul. I’ve been pondering this fall family picture.

Here are my reflections:

I have too many days it feels more like a rat race than a leisure walk of life. Then I think of the well known choices of the fork in the road – which path to take? It reminds me of days like this gone by, when I need to just slow it down, hold a hand and take a walk on the right path.

The boys are always “ahead” of us it seems, eager to go when they don’t even know where we or they are going....but they are usually out front anyway....they can move through a crowd of adults so quickly it amazes me. It reminds me that I need to go slower and listen to God, not just hurry ahead without knowing my direction.

Some lag behind, we have those too when I turn around and say “keep up.” I don’t want them to get lost or left behind, or I’m on a mission that they aren’t on and I’m coaxing them to keep up. I have days I lag too – needing to be reminded to “keep up.” I’m sure God sees that in me and others.....”keep up, don’t get lost or left behind.” Choose that right path!

When I look at my husband, I think of his distinct motion of walk – we all have it, a way of moving that is ours. His walk speaks of confidence, ease and knowledge of who he is and where he is going......I love that about him. He leads us all as the head of our home, giving us esteem to walk our path right. I fell in love with him and that walk.

The girls hang on, one to a hand and the other to a finger. One wanting to be connected by touch for the security of love and the other for the safety of connectivity and guidance over the uncertainty of the bumpy path. Both valid reasons to hang onto a hand or finger. It is a reminder to keep that touch of love going for all. When the path is rough, it will keep us strong.

So, I’m hoping for more leisure walks with the family – I know they’ll keep me whole.

Psalm 16:11 ~ You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

I Plea to God

2010-02-02T20:42:00.001-06:00

Even a polar bear is loving and gentle with their offspring, this picture shows the design that should exist in us too – lovingly nurturing our children.

I’m sad at reading news of drug addicted parents who suffocated their small crying child then passed out; a woman suicide bomber who killed no less than 18 other women and 12 children; Haitian looters who steal rations from women while children go hungry .....the list on this earth is long of the cruelty mankind does to one another.....I plea to God, WHY?

Why do we have to look so hard for goodness around us at times?

Our church message was on “Unity” this Sunday – yet down the pews are people who won’t talk to me, (I’m intimidating in case you didn’t know! Boo!) and I wondered “are they hearing the same message I am hearing God? Do you expect MORE from me than you do from them?” Yes, I know God is speaking to me......but there are times I want to be like this squirrel and not have to do the “right” thing.....it is so much easier to put my head in the snow, to turn away.....I plea to God, WHY?

1 Kings 8:52

"May your eyes be open to your servant's plea and to the plea of your people Israel, and may you listen to them whenever they cry out to you.

Girls Night Out #1 ~ 2010

2010-01-29T23:26:00.001-06:00

Tonight, despite the snowy land before us, we traveled the country roads to “The Italian Villa” in the rural setting called “La Torre” meaning “The Tower.” (Yes they have a 40 ft tower! Here is a summer pic....)

These are special people, John & Chris, that cooked for us 10 gals tonight. Their home is a special retreat that allowed good food with awesome fellowship. This is something I yearned for and anticipated since we wrote our names on their over-packed calendar back in 2009!

When a few of us went to see the Broadway show “Wicked” and loved it – and the time we spent together, we vowed we’d make more times of togetherness....tonight was one of those times.....vow fulfilled.

I think of Jesus and his dinner with friends that is so famous in the painting as well as the scriptures, The Last Supper. Supper with friends, breaking bread and wine in fellowship and symbolic of the sacrifice he was destined to on the cross – for all of us. Was this a time he anticipated with joy or sadness? He knew his destiny. Do we know ours? I hope so.

One thing I’ve learned too is in sadness or happiness, friends are there for you. These are my good friends. I feel blessed in this. For Jesus, his disciples were his friends too – they’d had so many experiences together – amazing experiences. Their bond was tight. Granted, we gossiped far too much....and while this wasn't a religious experience of togetherness, we did enjoy the company of each other in good food while coming to the table.

Luke 22:17-20

17 After taking the cup, he gave thanks and said, "Take this and divide it among you. 18 For I tell you I will not drink again of the fruit of the vine until the kingdom of God comes."

19 And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, "This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me."

20 In the same way, after the supper he took the cup, saying, "This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you.

Peace & Blessings

2010-01-23T23:26:00.001-06:00

May Peace and Blessings fall down on you today as a gentle snow fall. Each of us individual, no two alike, gifted by God with talents that make us who we are.

Isaiah 32:18

My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest.

The Shaving Cream Lesson of Life

2010-01-21T22:36:00.006-06:00

Kris came over today to “play” with Sophia in shaving cream.
The first look on Soph’s face was “uh uh, not too sure about this.” She took come coaxing to get her fingers into it. Still, the look was of concentration trying to process what was the deal here.

Then, “I’ll get a little more involved with this.”

Then, “This is kind of fun, oops Mom, got something on my shirt!”

Then, “I like this!”

Then, “Up to my elbows in it!”

Then, there was the clean up – shaving cream play done.

As I watched her process her apprehension yet curiosity into exploration and fun she’s made me reflect on my brother Jim’s passing away and how his brain cancer affected his walk of life. He had the same shocked experience with discovery in the beginning, then the involvement of treatment and while it was not “fun” to have brain cancer, Jim did find the fun in his life despite cancer. One of the things so many people shared about Jim at the sharing night was his positive attitude and the humor he maintained during the struggle, especially towards the end.

That sticks with me….like shaving cream on the fingers gluing them together.

I’m forever changed from the far distance of experiencing a brother with cancer who passes away too young, with so many missed future events that we wanted him to be there for….his children’s wedding(s), grandchildren, retirement and the continued love of his wife and family. But his shaving cream time was done…..clean up and live on…..he’s in heaven now, watching us all, reunited with grandparents, aunts , uncles, cousins, friends ….but I’m still here, still missing him in my heart.

Grieving still.

Then, there will be a time we will be reunited….until then; I know he’d want me to keep playing in shaving cream. I can hear his luaghter....

Proverbs 24:32 I applied my heart to what I observed and learned a lesson from what I saw.

My Funny Man

2010-01-14T18:34:00.001-06:00

Yes, he makes us smile.
Yes, he makes us happy.
Yes, he makes us laugh.

Yes, we love him completely.

He says to himself, "Nothing will shake me; I'll always be happy and never have trouble." Psalm 10:6

Sun Dogs

2010-01-10T20:55:00.002-06:00

These “sun dogs” were part of our drive home. Glorious ~ to me they seemed like Jim was shining down from heaven watching over us as we drove through blowing snow and cold temperatures in South Dakota, Iowa and Nebraska. I loved watching them, they stayed all day long and in some odd way they comforted me. Like a piece of my homeland following us and keeping us safe….seems mythical, but I like it so I’ll keep it that way.

Myth has it that if there are sundogs in the afternoon sky to the west, good weather is on its way…or was that more snow!

The sun dog is created when the light comes through ice crystals in the cirrus clouds creating a rainbow or light display on each side of the sun. Similar optics are at work when the sun shines through water droplets creating a rainbow. Todays were probably due to the high winds carrying enough snow crystals into the air for the light to go through.

Ezekial 1:28

28 Like the appearance of a rainbow in the clouds on a rainy day, so was the radiance around him.
This was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the LORD. When I saw it, I fell facedown, and I heard the voice of one speaking.

Oversize Load

2010-01-09T22:14:00.001-06:00

Driving North – knowing the purpose was to deal with a lot of emotion, memories of my brother in his death and to find a was to celebrate his earthly life….I carried an Oversize Load. I felt like seeing that truck, summarized the burden on my heart. Through the days that followed, many opportunities presented themselves to delve into that “Oversize Load.” At first, to get to the bottom of a big job, you have to dig hard and it feels like you are only going down, down down only to get to the point you can go back up. The climb back up has been strenuous and I’m not sure I’m even at the top, but along the way the Oversize Load has started to show the light at the top. But oh, the ache.

I’ve cried tears daily as the memories flood my mind and soul in grief. My face and eyes have hurt from the wiping of the tears, only to have more come and come with a lack of being able to keep my eyes and face dry. Standing at the gravesite in cold Canadian air, feeling the sting of those tears once again, shaken to the core when the casket was lowered, watching my sister-in-law in her grief and aware of her loneliness made me cry out to God again, wondering if this is what Jesus in his humanness felt when he asked “My God, why have thou forsaken me?” I knew it was only his body and his soul was long rejoicing in heaven, but it was so final. It was so hard.

Helen summarized the memorial sharing portion and funeral well at: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jimschapanskyvery well so if you want to read that, it is a good source.

In closing I now sit in a hotel in a snow storm somewhere in South Dakota, we’ll return home tomorrow if traveling is good and I know we’ll jump head long into “life” again with the schedule of four children, church and activities. So this time for this journey of saying goodbye feels like it is ending – but it isn’t, as a day won’t go by that I won’t reflect on my brothers’s life and testimony. I feel changed, but I’m not sure how this will manifest in my life right now….but want it to in some way.

I’ll leave you with The Dash – a poem by Linda Ellis that I read at the Sunday evening sharing in response to our focus in the imovie we made of Jim’s life zeroing in on his dash on a screen:

I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend. He referred to the dates on his tombstone, from the beginning ... to the end.
He noted that first came his date of birth and spoke the following date with tears, but he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years. (1960-2009)

For that dash represents all the time that he spent alive on earth... and now only those who loved him know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own, the cars...the house...the cash, what matters is how we live and love, and how we spend that dash.

So think about this long and hard... Are there things you'd like to change? For you never know how much time is left, that can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough to consider what's true and real, and always try to understand the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger, and show appreciation more, and love the people in our lives, like we've never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect, and more often wear a smile... remembering that this special dash might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy's being read with your life's actions to rehash... Would you be proud of the things they say about how you spent your dash?

To My Brother Jim 1960-2009

2009-12-29T21:52:00.001-06:00

To My Brother

The time has come to say Goodbye

I will try not to cry

It' been so hard to let you go

To be in heaven don't you know

But you did not go alone

Part of us went with you

The day God took you home

You will forever be in our hearts

Your memory will keep us from falling apart

You should hear the kind words people say

How you touched their lives in so many ways

I am so proud and blessed to get to say

That's my brother in every way

Thank you brother for all you gave

For everything you showed us along the way

Now I want to say to you

How much I love and miss you too

So rest in peace big brother of mine

I'll see you again when it's my time

Forever in my heart your sister.

Rest in peace.

No posts for some time as we travel North to celebrate Jim's life and be with family.

Christmas Eve Reflected

2009-12-27T13:28:00.001-06:00

Merry Chrstimas!

2009-12-24T16:08:00.001-06:00

Behold, I bring good tidings of great joy....for unto you is born a Saviour. Luke 2:10-11

May the Lord shower His love upon you and your loved ones this Christmas and always.

Merry Christmas!

Connections

2009-12-22T22:00:00.003-06:00

Sometimes connections with people are made that just warm my heart.

A Christmas miracle in my books happened today with friends who made a life changing decision to adopt two children that have been on their/our hearts....prayers answered and an exciting future is laid out for these children who come from sorrow and uncertainty. This warms my heart. Especially as Christmas is upon us.

Then there is this guy. Don.

He warms my heart too – in a different way. For some odd reason, he has made a “connection” with Courtney. She trusts him enough to give him hugs in church and at family gatherings. This is big for her, she may not exactly recognize it, but I do. It is safety, growth, security, trust.

He took the time to play games with the kids too.

Don’s wife Donna directs Jr Choir in church and she too has made a “connection” with Courtney. Both of them over the last 8 months have welcomed her in warm ways that have made Courtney feel accepted in our church and extended family. She asks how we are related, pleased and proud to BE related to Don & Donna. Donna is a cousin to Steve. People think Donna and I are related because we look alike. Donna and I like the same shoes ~ we share a strong shoe gene.

From when we were first married to childless for 16 years, Don and Donna welcomed us as we were, accepting us without question. That is the way they are. We don’t hang as much as we used to, (4 kids makes life busy...) but that connection is still there and strong. They are “cool” folks.

Courtney recognizes that and embraces them in a natural healing way.

Thank you Don & Donna for being you!

Have you seen my sucker?

2009-12-20T21:48:00.000-06:00

Have you seen my sucker?

I've been looking everywhere for it.

Together...

2009-12-18T21:37:00.002-06:00

I had lunch with two of my best buddies today. We pretty much meet weekly to eat and chat. I looked forward to it already this morning and mentioned to Courtney I was having lunch with my best friends Dawn and Lisa. She said I thought Deb was your best friend. I told her yes, Deb, Rose, Diane, Cinda and Daddy are also my best friends to name a few. She said “I thought you could only have one best friend!” I told her – nope, you can many best friends. She hadn’t thought of it as a possibility. I explained that in life, we need many friends and it should be the same for her in school. Don’t just pick out one friend, but pick out many - more importantly, be a friend to many. Some friends will drift in and out of your life, but some will be there always. I told her I wished for her many best friends. Each of my friends is different and bring their uniqueness into our relationship that I cherish. Like a snowflake, no two friends are alike. It makes the snowfall of life beautiful and fulfilling.

Another best friend we should always have with us is Jesus. He is one that never forsakes us. He walks with me daily and my commutes with him are our time together to put it all on the table. Some days we sing, some days he just listens, some days he talks to me, some days we listen to each other in silence, some days we grieve together.

He ordered the centurion to keep Paul under guard but to give him some freedom and permit his friends to take care of his needs. Acts 24:23

See, when Paul was in prison, his friends took care of him – I know if that happens to me my friends will visit me too and care for me....right? Okay, well I’ve seen it happen when I had my surgery......yup, I’ll stick with that one over the prison thing.

Tomorrow night we are having friends over for supper. Then we gals are planning an Italian meal cooked for us by our own personal chef late rin January – Oh, I so look forward to it. Special times with special friends. May you have many special times this Christmas Season and beyond!

Music / Band Concerts Galore!

2009-12-14T22:10:00.001-06:00

Spirit of Giving

2009-12-11T21:20:00.003-06:00

Giving from the heart

I love this because it represents giving from the heart. That flannel turquoise blankie with the little red cabbage roses on it is her “blankie” that doesn’t leave her side much. When she comes home it is one of the first things she seeks out – she sniffs it, she hugs it, she pulls it close. It comforts her. It is home and all that is safe and good.

So, when she gives it to Berkley like this.....it is the act of giving that the Bible teaches us about. God gave us his Son. He gave us Him to seek out and pull close to us in the same way, to comfort us and know we are safe and good in His hands. I've been doing a lot of that lately.

God, who knows the heart, showed that he accepted them by giving the Holy Spirit to them, just as he did to us. Acts 15:8

May you find your spirit of true giving this Christmas Season and beyond.

Tree skirt: not a blanket!

2009-12-07T21:23:00.002-06:00

...the tree skirt is not a blanket! Silly girl.

That was before she tried to eat the maraschino cherry on the Hallmark ornament with the grey squirrel holding it.....I don’t know if I’ll even try putting presents under the tree before Christmas this year because she’ll probably open them all like last year.

It is fun to see the excitement and she chatters non-stop to the ornaments on the tree – imitating the sleeping angels and all. I can hear her saying “Oh” as she points her chubby finger at an ornament as I type this. I’ll savor that for a long time....her wonder and awe.

Christmas through the eyes of children – can’t beat it. More adults need it.

Lifting you up in prayer Jim.

2009-12-02T21:20:00.001-06:00

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jimschapansky

Destructo Boy Hits Again.

2009-11-29T21:27:00.002-06:00

See this trumpet? It has had a rough life under the care of my son.

Life lesson: you wreck your trumpet, I clean out your savings account and buy you another used one off eBay. There you go – you owe me $100 now.

Oh child of mine with the softest heart and coffee eyes ~ what makes you destroy things?

A Thankful Few Days

2009-11-27T20:38:00.000-06:00

Thankful for God and His good word
Thankful for my husband and children
Thankful for our warm home and food on the table
Thankful for Grandparents for our children
Thankful for wonderful siblings - all (in-laws, out-laws, no-laws)
Thankful for community, friends and church family
Thankful for adoption and what it means for our family
Thankful for Great Wolf Lodge to celebrate Courtney's adoption

Thankful for so much more......