Thursday, February 4, 2016

Fresh Start - Again...

Well, she is coming home – ready or not, here we go.  

Nervous, afraid, excited, lots of emotions flowing for all the family.  We’ve done this before, in / out.  Hoping that the skills for coping work for her this time to ride out the tougher times that always seem to come.  

Hope – for the joy of togetherness again as a complete family making memories and enjoying laughter as well that heals our souls.

While she was gone, she had picked out some paint colors in the fall and we hadn’t had the time with our schedules to re-paint her room. Then the crisis hit.  So, after Christmas, with the time she was gone we could move all the furniture in and paint like she’d wanted.  We “refreshed” her room with d├ęcor as well. 
 A new spread, shams/pillows, curtains, floor rug, arrangement, wall art with positive encouraging words…..

I’m excited for her to love this and be in this space again…prayers for this ongoing journey.

Romans 12:12  Be joyful in hope, patient in afflication and faithful in prayer.

Thursday, January 28, 2016

Let It Shine, Let It Shine, Let It Shiine....

This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine…..don’t let Satan blow it out, I’m gonna let it shine….
When the pain shows up – everything changes.  Life shifts as we respond each in our own way to deal with what life is giving us at the moment. I’m reminded of this childhood song I sang, I’ve also sung it to my children.  It really has a strong message to return to.  

As I look at the depth of my soul, and feel the brokenness and times the hopelessness to change a dark path into light, I strive to hold onto my positive outlook on life – my optimism – because, I truly am a hopeful optimist.  That said, I stumble and fall like anyone.  I hurt for the hurting and want healing to do miracles – because I believe, I have hope, I know they exist and desire one or more in the lives of my children! 

I’ve heard the social workers tell me “kids like these usually don’t make it” – I know my odds are stacked the wrong way, I know love doesn’t fix everything and genetics and poor starts in life rule against me over and over that is makes me mad.  I want to be the statistic that isn’t the norm – I want to break the odds. Time will tell.

So, I found this ring……(I love jewelry).
My hubby got it for me for Christmas.
It is described as “a little bit of joy peeking through the clouds, like a ray of sunshine.”   Like it’s creator – who has a different journey of pain, I too will slip this ring on my finger daily – this sunburst to remind me, better days are ahead, the sun will shine through the clouds – joy will come through and peek out – allowing the strength of those rays to fill me with joy to survive the cloudy and stormy days.
Finding Joy in this journey is my challenge.  This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.  Today Joy may or may not come…..I can choose it – but it also eludes me like water in a sink with a stopper that doesn’t hold the water in….there will be days like that.
 
We got the movie “Inside Out” – I really liked it – so profoundly simply in it’s message that Joy can’t survive alone without the other feelings as well.  We can’t be just one thing – a healthy balance is needed, even for the depressing sadness, she was needed.  A teamwork of emotions is needed. 
Meanwhile, I’ll look at my ring and sing….This Little Light of Mine….I’m Gonna Let It Shine…..and remember to let the clouds be over the sun, but find a way to shine as often as possible.

I’m gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine….Everyday, everyday, everyday I’ll let my little light shine.
 
Eckhart Tolle:  Joy does not come from what you do, it flows into what you do and thus into this world from deep within you.

Thursday, December 31, 2015

When Your Child Tries To Commit Suicide

When you child tries to commit suicide….here are some emotions and conclusions you may feel or experience….I know I have felt them…
  • ·      Guilty.  You may feel guilty….even when it wasn’t YOU that made your child try to kill themselves, the guilt will swamp you. 
  • ·        “Why” questions will assault you – why didn’t I see the signs, why, why, why??? Hind sight is 20/20.
  • ·        You will never feel the same way about your child and life again…..you will be very changed.
  • ·        You will feel like people look at you and say “what is so bad in your home that she would do that?”  It is the feeling of guilt again. It goes with your shock of “Not my kid” thinking – but it can happen to anyone. Nothing YOU did or said pushed that edge…   
  • ·        You will learn all her close friends feel guilty too….and other family members.
  • ·        You will hopefully realize, suicide is a selfish act – it was their choice, but involves and affects you forever.
  • ·        There is no way to erase it or ignore the cry for help, you HAVE to do what is right for them…and that is hard, very hard….it will tear you to your core when you walk away from the Psychiatric unit….but they need to be there to get the right help. Don’t just try to go on like it didn’t happen.
Some flowers bloom bright, while others around us suffer and dim as the bugs of life eat at them…

Teen suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death among adolescents.  It is the 2nd leading cause among college aged youth as well.  Kids generally are not in crisis, however, mine was and is always – emotional crisis.

As a parent, you’ll ask “what can you do?  Watch for the warning signs of suicide….even if they give you facts like “It takes 52 pills to kill yourself” – despite when asked “are you thinking of doing that?” and they answer no, it is an early warning sign.  Also, watch for changes in their behaviors.  Friends notice it too – more withdrawn at school from friends, more anger, mood swings.  The internet – watch what your kids do and say….we learned soo much dark stuff AFTER the fact we had no idea about.  Despite supporting mental health services and reporting these things, it still wasn’t enough for us to stop the attempt she made.  Opportunity came knocking at a crisis for another family member, which was the open door that was used.  When her coping skills were being challenged and not met – it was the tipping scale in the cry for help.

Lucky.  I do feel lucky.  Lucky that it was a cry for help that was caught and the attempt failed.  Lucky is a word I don’t care for – definitely God had his hand over our family as we found her the help needed and once you are on this path….there is no turning back.  Sometimes I think the idea was planted by someone else, but the truth is she acted alone, it was her choice, hers alone.

Just like drugs or alcohol use – you have to talk to your kids about suicide….so if you are reading this and are a parent….talk to your kids today…..let them know there are other ways to get help.  Suicide is a desperate act by someone who is in intense pain and want their pain to stop.  Over 90% of people who die by suicide have a mental illness at the time of their death, they simply are not thinking clearly.

Worry – I have worry, can she safely come home and not hurt herself again?  How can we continue to monitor her in trusting ways again?  She is angry at the ongoing support we’ve put in place.  It is like the 7 stages of grief watching her process her treatment now. But without this path, healing can’t come to the level of this professional resource is needed…it is right in fighting to give her the best that we can in all areas of life. In this journey we continue – we ask for your prayers and not your judgement. Until you’ve walked this walk, you don’t know….I see friends, I know they don’t know what to say – no one does. 

Last post of the year - while dark, I do have HOPE - that we all Hold On & Pain Ends.  

So - bring on 2016 I'm so done with 2015.....

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